Lost and Found

When my ex and I were separating there was a lot of anger. Emotions were running high and a lot of things were said and done in anger that were not kind. At the time I can remember thinking that I still felt like the same person, but that I thought that some people he cared about (namely his parents) would absolutely cringe to hear some of what he was saying or to learn of what he was doing. I’m not saying I was perfect, but I was certainly (far) less awful than he was.

One of the worst things he did was to come in one day to pick up some of his things when Krystal and I were out. That had been agreed to. When she and I returned home my eyes went right to where the video camera, case and tapes were kept on the bookshelf in the living room. What stared back was an empty space. Rage and sickness took over. I didn’t care so much about the camera, but the tapes were everything I had of Krystal from the moment I met her. In my opinion the tapes were hers.

Over the next few weeks and months he used those tapes as leverage whenever he could. He threatened to destroy them. While we used a mediator to handle the divorce rather than hiring attorneys who would take all our money, we probably weren’t very good candidates for mediation. He was very angry, which was how I now realize he expressed pain. The marriage, if not the actual divorce, was quite expensive for me. It wasn’t until we were divorcing, a process we started before our third anniversary, that I realized marriage is a legal blending of two people. You basically form a corporation with another person when you marry. Silly me had thought it was about love. I do not know if I will ever marry again, but if I do, it will be with that knowledge, and I do not rule out a pre-nup. It’s not unromantic, it’s business.

As far as the video camera and tapes go, he showed up unexpectedly at Krystal’s final gymnastics class that year with the camera, took some video, and then without fanfare handed me the camera and case, with tapes inside. My heart was pounding so loud and hard I was sure he would see it through my shirt, and my mind was spinning with how I could run off with it before he grabbed it back. But he didn’t. They have been mine, and will be Krystal’s, ever since. He did remove the tape of our wedding, but I didn’t care. I assume he took a hammer to it, or ran over it with his car, or tossed it in Lake Ontario as he drove by one day, and whatever happened to it is OK with me. I got what was precious.

A few other things relating to our marriage seem to be missing too. While he got the engagement ring in the split (even the mediator was shocked he would ask, but I was stupid and didn’t care), our marriage certificate was mysteriously unable to be found after I moved. I might not have noticed except I changed my name back after our divorce and needed it during the adoption process for Belle. I was able to get another copy, but the lingering question to me was why? Why would he take it? My wedding band has also been missing since even before the move. I’ve never been a jewelry person, but I did like wearing a wedding ring. When I realized the ring was missing I actually bought myself some costume jewelry rings that I occasionally wear on my other hand. What he wanted with the inexpensive band I wore is beyond me.

When Krystal was little, and before we got married, two of his family members gave her savings bonds. They were issued in her first name with his last name, which was never her name. My mother has offered to help get them switched over to her correct and legal name, but the bonds are missing too. I did ask him several months ago if he might have run across them – I have learned to let things be his idea – but he said he didn’t think he’d seen them, and so far he has not produced them. I am willing to believe he doesn’t knowingly have them, and if he does come across them in the future, he will give them back. Four years ago I would not have felt confident saying that.

This morning Krystal was poking around with the myriad of things on my dresser. One of these things is a small wooden box that closes with a buckle. I’ve had it since I was about 9 or 10, just a tad older than Krystal. I keep old money in it – some $2 bills, Kennedy half dollars, silver dollars and the like. I don’t think I’ve opened it in years, but it’s not something I’d ever consider getting rid of. She was fascinated by the money “They make $2 bills!?!?” and wanted to know where I got it. Then she pulled out a gold ring. My wedding ring. What is it doing in there? I’m reasonably sure I never put it there. Did he hide it there? Or did I and promptly forget about it?

The inside of the ring has an inscription: Love is in the details.

Facebook Fearsome

Who out there is on Facebook? I resisted for awhile, but once I succumbed I found:

Facebook is so much fun!

Facebook is addictive!

Facebook has contributed to the plot of at least two TV shows I watch regularly (Ugly Betty and Trust Me). It’s a real pop culture phenomenon, and I don’t see it going away anytime soon.

I haven’t specifically checked lately, but I’m up to about 85 friends. These friends traverse almost all chapters of my life: high school, college, past co-workers, fellow adoptive parents, current co-workers, a couple blogging buddies, my step-mother, and more than a few ex-boyfriends (including Gary, my speed dating guy, who I feel better than ever about not pursuing things further – I really should de-friend him, but what can I say, I’m a voyeur).  It can be very strange to have people who knew you “when” mingling amongst those who know you now. If you’re anything like me, you’ve changed lots and present different sides of yourself to different people, so arguably some of these people know very different “you’s!” I have set up “groups” of friends, but have yet to restrict access to any photos or posts to only certain groups, although I set the groups up with that in mind. I know some “friends” better than others, and especially regarding high school friends, some of them I barely knew even then. But I’m Facebook friends with them now as an avenue to finding folks I did know, should they join in the future.

When I first joined I did what I’m sure most folks do, and searched for those people you’ve often thought of over the years but had lost touch with. I found my erstwhile prom date that way, and have enjoyed the re-established connection. I searched for my ex-husband, out of morbid curiosity, but he wasn’t on. I searched his sisters (one of whom I’m still close to), and his brother-in-laws, one of whom is a very minor celebrity (TV/movie writer). I found the BIL, but I didn’t friend him.

For some reason I searched the sister I like again on Friday, and she’s now on Facebook. I debated about friending her, all sorts of scenarios running in my mind. While I don’t post anything uber private on Facebook, I’m also not sure I want my ex-husband knowing any of what I post. Then again, I shouldn’t be so hung up on myself as to think everyone is so interested in what I have to say that she would run off and tell him any of what I might post.

In the end I decided to friend her. She accepted.

I also searched the ex again, and he’s now there too. He is not (yet) friends with his sister. The ex and I are connected on LinkedIn, but I see that as a professional networking site, where Facebook is personal. I’m OK with using him for job opportunities (and vice versa), but personal…..not so much. I have to assume he’s looked for me too, and seen that I’m there, but has elected not to friend me, probably for many of the same reasons I have. Once we have a common friend, that may get a little stickier.

Don’t you love how I can find things to worry about?

One and Done

After my last “big date” with Gary almost two weeks ago, a break over Thanksgiving wherein he traveled across the country to have a too-short visit with his kids, and a date looming this weekend which I had not decided what we should even do, I had to face the truth. The cringing when I saw his number on my caller-id had to mean only one thing: I am not ready to date. Or at least not date this man.

I have had a lot of time to think since our last date. I wasn’t feeling any physical attraction, and even though several of you mentioned that you didn’t initially feel attracted to your husbands, or other men you ended up in relationships with, I knew I didn’t have the time to wait for that to develop (sitters are expensive, and let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger). Truthfully that’s happened to me as well – I actually married a man I wasn’t sure I liked after the first date (turns out my first instincts were correct, oh well).

But it wasn’t just that. I think we have some different values about a lot of things, which was evident to me even after just two dates. Which will probably be a bigger issue for me as I’m older and I know I’m pretty well entrenched in my ways and ideals, as I imagine almost anyone is in their forties or fifties. Interestingly enough, the last time I did online dating, in the mid-90’s, my experience with men was similar to what I also ran into with Gary this time – the men were nice, but seemed to presume a level of relationship or intimacy that was more advanced than where I was.

Anyway, I knew any future date would have me seething in resentment that my “me” time was being taken up. I knew I had to take care of this beforehand. My best friend’s husband gave me the go-ahead to use email, given we’ve only been on two dates, and I was more than thrilled to use that option. So I sent Gary an email this morning:

I hate having to resort to email for this, but honestly it’s how I feel most comfortable, especially since we don’t know each other super well. I apologize in advance if this seems impersonal, or cowardly, to you, but please understand this is about me. Anyway, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about you, and me, and whatever might or might not be going on between us, and about me. Yes, I said me twice. I’ve been doing a lot of introspection. And here’s what I’ve come up with. I signed up for speed dating because I thought I wanted to date. I thought I wanted to give myself something: some grown-up time, an adult friendship, someone to count on, and possibly even someone to have a relationship with. And unfortunately, I find that even though I did this to try to give myself something, I’ve realized that I don’t have anything to give right now. Perhaps at the root is that my children are too young, my job situation too sketchy, or any combination of those plus everything else involved in being a single mom, – but whatever it is, at the end of a day, at the end of a week, I am spent, and there is nothing left for anyone else.  I feel awful because you have been nothing but kind and sweet and generous to me. You seem like a wonderful man, and I have enjoyed getting to know you.

I hope you can see this as I mean it, which is completely about me. It is me who thought I was ready for something I am not, and not you who did anything wrong.

I wish you nothing but happiness and success in all you do – and I hope you’re able to get to your girls full time just as soon as you can.

All the best,

Ragtop Day

And he responded back within 10 minutes – he said he thought something was up, offered himself as a friend anytime, and wished me a “great life with your girls.”

And I feel relief.

Do I Really Want to Date After All?

Back to the relationship stuff.

Gary called the night before he left for LA, and after chatting a bit about nothingness, the conversation went something like this:

Gary: OK, so I’m going to say something here and you can stop me at any time. (I immediately know where he is going with this but am ever so curious to hear how it comes out.)

Gary: The other night when we were in the car in your driveway I wanted to kiss you, but I wasn’t getting the “go signal”.

Me: <Laughs>

Gary: I just want you to know that I really like you and I’m willing to take whatever you’re willing to give, even friendship. I recognize you have a lot at stake here with those girls and my situation is a risk too. (He means the fact that he wants to move back to the west coast to live near his kids full time, which was the original reason I marked him a “No” after the speed dating thing.)

Me: <Not sure what to say, so out comes a lot of nothing> Thank you for that. That is really generous of you to say. I’m still trying to figure that all out.

The conversation wrapped up soon after that, but the main thing I’m wrestling with right now is my apparent utter lack of physical attraction, and the fact that when he calls he wants to talk for an hour or more each time. I just don’t have that kind of time! And I think I am beginning to resent him for it. Always a recipe for romance, eh?

So I’m feeling very ambivalent about Date #3, currently set up for Saturday, December 6th. I did suggest a more casual outing than the play, but haven’t quite yet determined what would best fit the bill. Some ideas floating around right now are: bowling, a casual wine place where you sit on couches like a living room and drink wine, eat appetizers (or dinner). Any suggestions are welcome!

Second Date Post Mortem

Regular readers, rejoice! I am about to dissect my second date with Gary, which took place on Saturday night.

As a reminder, this was a charity benefit dinner for a food bank, sponsored by a Boston radio station, with three different musical acts.

I had agonized in the week leading up to Saturday about how we would meet up. I thought about driving someplace to meet and then going in his car, or having him come to my house but not coming in, etc. Finally I told him all this (as he kept saying I needed to send him my address so he’d know where to go), and he totally got that I didn’t want he and my girls to be introduced just yet since, as he put it, “we don’t know what we are yet.” So major points for understanding on that one. Dating is so much more complicated when you have children! We ended up agreeing that he would call when he got to my house, and I would just head out and meet him – no kid/Gary contact.

So he called and I went out to meet him, and…….there was no car in the driveway. Okkkaaay. I called his cell phone and it turns out he was waiting across the street, a few houses up. I watched him turn around and head to me. I should say he is an electrical engineer and relies heavily on his GPS, but GPS can only get you so far – you still have to look at the numbers on the houses – sheesh!  I got in and there was a flower on the seat for me. A calla lily that he hoped was a match for my arrangement from earlier in the week. It was much larger and a bit lighter in color, but the thought was there (and totally unnecessary). And then he said something odd – “I went to them in person for this one – they are sort of “my florist” – very good.” To which I said, “Oh? You send a lot of flowers, do you?” And since I can’t remember what he said, I guess it wasn’t satisfying in either direction.

It was about 6:30 by the time we got to the hotel (it started at 6), and cocktail hour and the silent auction were in full swing. Drinks were uber expensive, and while I offered to pay, he waved me off saying I had babysitter expenses (but he paid $150 for the tickets!). Parking was free though! He kept touching my shoulder when talking to me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I mean, it wasn’t like I wanted to bat him away, but I wasn’t sure I was excited about it either.

They opened the doors to the room around 7 and it was like a wedding – round tables for 10 all over the place. We found a seat and sat down with a bunch of 20-somethings while we waited for things to get started. At one point he said “Give me your hand”, and so I did and he entwined his fingers in mine to “relax” me. I felt like my hand and arm were not attached to my body. Was not really feeling it. Then we decided to get up and go check out the silent auction stuff since it was too crowded before. We did that, and when we went back in we got in line for the food (which was horrendous, by the way, not that I cared very much) and the woman we got behind was indignant that we were jumping the line and demanded to know which table we were sitting at (way in the back, and we hadn’t been called yet), and we got to bantering back and forth with her and ended up sitting with her and her friend at their table and had a fabulous time just having fun with them. I told them we were on our second date and had met at a speed dating event. They were surprised – they thought we were married!

There was an older (55-60-ish) couple sitting next to us that needed to get a room. Once the meal was over they took turns kissing at each other’s ears and nibbling wherever. At one point during a break between acts he got up and straddled her, spilling her drink with his hips as he swung over her (they didn’t notice till later). It was really pretty bad, but it gave us something to be uncomfortable about together – we decided they must be having an affair with each other.

At another point during a song he took my hand again, and this time I sort of liked it. My heart was pounding like crazy and I got all tingly. When the song was over we clapped, and I decided I didn’t feel comfortable enough to put my hand back on his leg. He certainly could have reached for it again, but he didn’t, which was fine too.

Then we left and had a nice conversation in the car on the way back. I expected him to try to kiss me, but he didn’t. If he had, I would have kissed him but I was just as glad he didn’t. I was surprised (but not disappointed) that he didn’t offer to walk me to the door, but he did wait till I was inside before he drove off. And he has emailed me 5 times and called once since then (he knew we had plans all day yesterday, otherwise it may have been more). However, I didn’t pick up the phone when he called last nigh because he wants to talk for so long every time! And I was sooooooo tired – Saturday night I didn’t get to bed till way later than usual, didn’t sleep well, and between kids and the dog was up way too early.

We have tentative plans to get together the weekend after Thanksgiving (he will be in California with his kids over this coming weekend), but I’m not sure…..he wants to go to a play, which I was at first on board with, but am now thinking I may need something lower key. This thing on Saturday was an “EVENT” that was very expensive and with dressing up and everything. Just a lot of expectations. Maybe just mine, but I’m the one that needs to be persuaded anyway. I’m trying to think of an alternative, casual type thing to do. If the weather were nicer I’d suggest going for ice cream and a walk. So I’m afraid that I’m being all negative and I’m going to poison it unnecessarily. I told my mother yesterday I wasn’t sure the sparks were there and she said, “Isn’t friendship more important than sparks?” and I’ve been thinking a lot about that. And I guess my answer to that is – you definitely need a foundation of friendship, but if you don’t have some sort of spark/chemistry at the beginning, it’s a long road. I want to want to touch him (or whoever) all the time (at least right now anyway!). I want to want him (or whoever) to kiss me. Am I asking for too much? Am I too old to want some sort of physical passion?

Oh, and I stressed out way too much over my outfit. While I definitely looked nice (which he told me several times, in a much nicer way), I could have gotten by with a much more casual outfit too.

And I have a new favorite musical artist – Ingrid Michaelson was the first act. I had never heard of her but she was funny, adorable and mega-talented.

Paula Cole was next and while she was good, she didn’t have the same presence or energy that Ingrid had. Something to put on my wish list!

So in the end, I had a good time, but I can feel myself withdrawing because of my apparent lack of physical attraction for this guy. My friend whose daughter baby sat my kids had this to say about that: The lack of compelling attraction could be for all kind of reasons – first dates in a long while – overly cautious due to past wounds – anxiety – stress – thinking about the kids and how it would complicate your lives.  You know what I mean?  There could be a million things going through your mind almost subconsciously that could get in the way of a natural attraction to anyone right out of the gate.  No?

So, Internets – what say you about that?

Deep Purple

I got a call from a florist at work this morning, wanting to verify the building address I work in as they had a delivery for me.

Flowers? For me??

I had two hours to wonder what on earth was the occasion! And when they arrived, I was delighted with them:

Sunday evening Gary called and the first thing he said was, “What’s your favorite color?”  I said, “Well, it depends on the context! Are we talking to wear, to paint a room, what?” He was astounded that I might have different favorite colors depending on which way the wind might be blowing in East Topeka next Wednesday, but hey, I’m a girl. I finally decided on purple, but I had a hard time describing the shade – he asked violet? and I said, no more like eggplant, but not quite.

Later on in the conversation the musical group Deep Purple came up, and I said I was not familiar with any particular songs they had done, but I sang a line from a song called Deep Purple – I didn’t know who sang it, though I was pretty sure it wasn’t the group. I said I’d check them out on iTunes and he suggested the song “Smoke on the Water” (are you following all this?)

The next day I sent him an email with the subject “Deep Purple” and said I had listened to the free 30 second clip of “Smoke on the Water” on iTunes, and while I was familiar with the beat, the lyrics didn’t ring any bells. And the musical style was a bit “harder” than I typically like. But I also shared that the song I had been referring to was sung by Nino Tempo and April Stevens – who knew?

The card that came with the flowers said simply, “Deep Purple”.

Until I read the note I was wondering whether to be charmed or freaked out. I’m choosing charmed for now.

Cost of a Second Date

If you don’t count our first six-minute meeting as a first date (and I don’t), then Gary and I have our second date coming up this Saturday night. We have spent quite a bit of time, considering my personal schedule, doing the whole instant message, e-mail and phone call thing. It’s starting to feel a little like a relationship. A little.

This second date, as I’ve mentioned, is a charity benefit dinner at a hotel outside of Boston. I’m just a teeeeensy bit concerned about how dressed up I’ll need to be, even though he called the sponsor of the event which reported that we should dress “for a nice dinner out”.

Well, I don’t really do a lot of “nice dinners out”. And certainly not on a second date! But a friend loaned me three dresses, and I’m still trying to decide which one I like the best, and feels the best. But that still leaves:

Shoes – I own a pair of low heeled black pumps which is probably what I’ll wear, and end up looking far too frumpy in. But I don’t feel comfortable in higher heels, and Gary is only about 5 inches taller than me anyway, so I don’t want to zoom up too far. Total – no money, only stress (so far)

Make-up – I don’t wear it, but I bought some: mascara, foundation, lipstick and eye shadow (CVS was having a BOGO sale, what can I say?) I do need to practice a little beforehand though. Total – $15

Clutch Bag – I don’t really carry a purse, and even if I did, it probably would be out of place at an event like this. Total – $15

Earrings/Necklace – OK, so I didn’t really need this, and maybe I’ll return it. But I bought a “diamond” earring/necklace set at Target this morning that will look great. Total $12

Nylons – It’s been so long since I wore any, I had to buy some. Total $3

Babysitter – this is where it gets hairy. What would you pay a 16 year old girl (the daughter of my closest friend from college)? I pay the 13 year old down the street $5 an hour and the adult I have used after hours $10 an hour. I was thinking closer to the $5 rate for the 16 yo, but my friend (her mother) said she thought her daughter would think that was too low, and suggested more like $8. And I’m thinking if that’s the case that this will be a one time thing! Isn’t that more than she would make at a “real” job? Where they take out taxes and everything? (I should also add that friend and her daughter live in the hoity-toity town while we live in the blue collar “city”).  Total: roughly 6 hours at whatever rate I end up paying, let’s call it $50

Grand Total: $95

Yikes! I’m not sure I’m glad I did this adding-up thing, since I’ll probably also offer to pay for any cocktails we have, since he is springing for the $75 pp tickets to this thing. A pretty expensive second date!

The thought of a kiss at the end of the evening?

Priceless.

Second Date

I have a second date coming up. It’s November 22nd.

I’ll have to give this guy a name — let’s call him Gary. We were chatting online Sunday afternoon (I didn’t mention that in my Weekend Wrap-up post, did I?) and he invited me to an “annual concert and buffet” that is to benefit the Greater Boston Foodbank. It is being sponsored by a radio station that I don’t listen to. But one of the artists featured is one I like, or used to anyway. I do own a Paula Cole CD. If you click the link you will see that album is from 1996, so it’s not like I’ve been stockpiling her music. Anyway!

Again, I must do some pretty fancy shuffling to free myself up to go on any date at all, and I’m still in the middle of that.

After looking into this event a bit more, I’ve come to the conclusion that the attire to be worn is probably quite a bit nicer than I am accustomed to wearing. Or owning, for that matter. I am having no small amount of stress over this! I am basically a jeans girl, and while I do enjoy dressing up on occasion, it’s not my usual. I don’t own any stylish shoes, and my nice-ish dresses are more suited to spring or summer rather than late November in New England. Even if I could justify buying an outfit to wear, I would have no idea what to buy!

Then, I found out how much the tickets to this thing cost. They are $75 each! I realize it’s a benefit and a good cause and all, but I’m having trouble reconciling how much money he is spending on me. On a second date!

I think most if not all of my readers are happily marrieds, but if anyone has any advice on what they think might be appropriate to wear, or really anything about this whole thing, I’d love to hear it!

Update (somewhat) on attire issue – Gary just sent me an email that he called the radio station sponsoring the event to ask about the dress, and this is what he reports: “dress, just like a night out for a nice dinner”. I thought it was very sweet that he went out of his way to call and ask!

First First Date

I had my first first date in more than seven years last night.

It was with one of the men I met at the speed dating event I did last week. In fact, it was with the man whose children live in LA and who I liked, except for the whole relocation thing.  I had marked him a “No” because of that, but he marked me a “Yes”, and so I contacted him and we emailed a few times. He even found me on Facebook.

It took scheduling contortions to rival that of Oprah’s personal assistant to arrange a time to meet, and finally we did. We met for drinks and appetizers at a nice restaurant downtown that I’d never actually been to. I had a new sitter, a teenager from the neighborhood, from 6-8. I figured this would give me and the girls a short, awake time frame to try out a teen sitter, and provide a pre-defined end time for a first date. If it was miserable, there was only a short time to suffer though, and if it went well, it would leave us wanting more, which I think is a good way to end a first date.

It went well. In fact, I didn’t get home till almost 8:30. I was almost a pumpkin!

I had told the girls I was going out with a friend, but Krystal is no dummy and she has already decided that this friend must be a “boyfriend” and she is teasing me mercilessly. I have given away nothing. In fact, as much as will be possible, I’d like to delay any interaction between him and my girls until we’ve had a chance to see if this will be a “relationship”. Given the logistics of my life (and the price of babysitters) that may not be possible for as long as I’d like, but it’s definitely on my mind.

Up next: major layoffs announced at my company to begin soon, through January. I have no idea if I’ll be directly affected, but it is a tremendous concern.

Six Minute Dating in Sixteen Paragraphs!

I’m sure all my regular readers have been waiting by the computer anxiously hitting refresh/checking their readers for an update on my Speed Dating event last night! And if you just stumbled across this post, boy are you in for a treat. Find out what it’s like to re-enter the dating world in your mid-40’s!

For those not in the know on the whole speed dating thing, I invite you to check out this Wikipedia article. If you already know (or don’t care), on with the show!

So the sitter arrived, we all scarfed down Subway subs for dinner, I took the quickest shower in history, put on a red sweater (supposedly men are attracted to red), kissed the girls and headed off to the restaurant/bar where the event was being hosted. On the way there, I realized my error in having had onions with my sub. Clearly I have not gone on a first date in awhile!

We were designated a “private party” in the upstairs part of the bar, while downstairs the after work crowd was in full swing, along with huge TV’s with a Wii game going (but ignored) on one, a sports channel on another and a general news channel on a third. When I say huge TV’s, these were something like 20×10 feet!

Anyway, there were several folks there already, many with a beer or other drink in hand. Another woman and I got there at the same time, and we checked in at the desk and received our name tags, first name only. The two of us walked to the bar area and chatted for a few minutes – turns out she had attended an event a month or two ago and found it a little awkward since her ex-husband was one of the men! I wanted to tell her she should blog about it – what a great story that could be!

Once everyone had arrived, the women were directed to sit at a table matching the number on our name tags. The men would start at the table matching their number, and then move from table to table until we had all met everyone, 6 minutes at a time. Ready? Go!

There were 12 men and 12 women. It was very loud in the place, what with happy hour going on downstairs and the music. They gave us a “Match Sheet” to keep track of everyone’s names and make notes on each person. The first man sat down and we started getting to know each other. Despite my having read up ahead of time on some different, unusual, more interesting questions to ask, I suddenly felt ridiculous even thinking asking someone their favorite childhood memory. To a man, it was all – where do you live, what do you do for work, what do you do for fun. I made sure to tell everyone I had young children. At least two of them shared they have grandchildren the same age. A couple of them asked if my kids’ father was still in the picture, and for them I gave a brief overview of why the answer to that is no.

One man sat down and told me he was 61, but he felt 50. And if he hadn’t told me his age, I probably would have guessed early 50’s.  I actually liked him.

One man kept repeating how attractive I was and that he was going to mark me a “yes”. He reminded me a little of Barry Manilow. Without the singing.

With yet another man we seemed to be clicking somewhat, although I really had to strain to hear what he had to say. And then he asked me about my “faith”, and started talking about the “word of god”. Sorry, I happen to believe I can live a good and moral life without attributing it to religion. Just my opinion, of course, but it resulted in him being a very strong “no” in my book (and I suspect he ended up feeling the same about me).

One man’s children live in LA and he intends to relocate there in the next year. If not for that, he would be worth a second look.

Many of the men knew each other – they attend these events semi-regularly at the request of the coordinator, who needs to keep the men/women balance even for it to work. They also mentioned they knew each other through Meet-Ups which is more a social thing, with children often included. In fact, one of the men is the coordinator of the local meetup they all seemed to be involved in. I had no idea this existed, and it is certainly for way more than just dating – check it out for your own area!

With only one man did I find it difficult to fill the 6 minutes with conversation. Thank goodness it was only 6 minutes and not an entire first date.

This morning we all received an email asking us to go in and score our dates with a quick Yes or No. I marked two men Yes – the 61 year old, and another man who was really interesting, even though I don’t think we have time for each other. Right after I did that I was able to see that two other men had marked me Yes, and maybe I’d want to give them a second look. I didn’t think that would happen – I thought we’d only know if we both said Yes. Later this afternoon the interesting man also marked me Yes. Now, do I really want to take that anywhere? We have 3 days to enter our scores, so it’s possible I’ll have more Yes’s. But honestly, I don’t need them.

So, in summary, am I glad I did this? Yes. After about two dates I started to feel more comfortable. All the men were nice, even if they weren’t all someone I would consider dating. It turned out to be kind of fun. Would I do it again? No, probably not, if only because I have a feeling I’d see many of the same men there!

And if you are happily involved, count yourself lucky. But I welcome you to listen in on my excursions!