I had a not-proud-parenting moment today. As I do so many days.
Saturday is a “stay home” day in our house. Which means the girls get up and watch children’s programming while I lounge in bed for a few precious moments. Today we really didn’t need to be anywhere, so no schedule for getting dressed, etc. I did have in mind to do some raking – after all, it is fall in New England, and the yard is carpeted with dead leaves.
Anyway, we were actually all getting ready to go outside – K wanted to ride her bike down the street to a friend’s house, while B was going to “help” me in the yard. It’s nippy here today, so I insisted on mittens for B. I can’t even remember now what it was about, but something I said caused B to screech her ugly “NOOOO!” and it flipped something chemical in my brain and I got agry at anyone and everyone in sight. When K then whined something on her way out the door I said, “Get lost” to her in a very cold sounding voice.
And immediately felt horrible about it (as well I should).
B and I went through the house to the garage, where K was getting her helmet on. She glared at me and said, “I’m not speaking to you” which actually made me kinda proud. She knew I was out of line.
I apologized to her and said that it was not a nice thing to say, and I didn’t mean it and shouldn’t have said it. She didn’t seem to be in much mood to hear it, and rode off without a word.
She was back a bit later with the friend in tow, with no evidence in her mood of what had happened earlier. But at one point she did look at me and say “Promise not to say that again”, and I nodded yes. Never.
Thank goodness kids are so forgiving. I may not always make myself proud, but I am grateful for the chance they give me to try again.