Mind Racing

I had my annual pap smear done about 2 weeks ago.

Last week I came home to a message from the doctor’s office asking me to call them. I knew right away that my results were abnormal, and sure enough, when I called the next day that’s just what they told me.  Many years ago I also had an abnormal pap, but they redid it and it was normal, as has every one since then been. But I don’t know, maybe because I’m “older”, they want to do a procedure called a colposcopy which is basically a magnified view of my cervix. And I get to lie there in the stirrups for a good 15 minutes while they do it. I can hardly wait.

Anyway, in the hours between getting the message and calling them back, a lot of things ran through my head, and continue to do so. I realize the chances that this will go away on its own, or be no big deal, are higher than not, but for some reason I think this is bigger than a bread box, as we say at work. I fear that it is cancer, to tell you the truth. And my family has had really bad results with cancer diagnoses. If I didn’t have young children it wouldn’t even matter to me that much. But I do, and it does.

The appointment is December 13th. Hoping for the best.

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2 responses to “Mind Racing

  1. Hey, just wanted to let you know that an abnormal pap is scary, but most conditions are very treatable.

    I had one with a diagnosis of moderate to severe dysplasia in 2004. My cervix was covered in abnormal cells and I was scared to death. After the colposcopy, I was scheduled for a procedure called a LEEP, where an electrical current is used to closely shave off the cells.

    It was an outpatient procedure. My Dr. gave me Valium and Lortabs to take beforehand, which just whacks you out and relaxes you. I was pretty much singing showtunes on the way into the office, LOL. After a local anesthetic injection (the worst part, even with the meds, but not awful) the tissue is removed and sent to the lab.

    My husband took me home and I literally slept for 18 hours. I had minimal bleeding, no cramps, and no pain after the LEEP. The cells were pre-cancerous and the diagnosis was changed to very severe dysplasia, but after 3 years of careful monitoring, I am clean and clear every time since then. Also, I went on to have an uneventful pregnancy in 2005 which resulted in my darling son!

    The point of all this is to say you’re not alone, and I wish you the very best. Trust me, the waiting is the worst! Once you know what’s going on, it’s actually a big relief.

  2. Hi Coco – thank you so much for sharing your experience! I had to change my colposcopy appointment since I’ll have my period for the original date, so I have to wait longer to find out what is going on. In my head I know it’s treatable, just a little scary not knowing. I’m so glad it turned out well for you, and I’m hoping for the same for me!

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