Post Weekend Thoughts

K spent the weekend with my ex and his family, celebrating Christmas and her birthday (6 days away, as she announced this morning). Some thoughts from all that:

  • His next-younger sister, who I adore, flew in from California for the weekend. She arrived on Friday with him to pick up K. She and her husband have gone through way more IVF cycles than any couple should have to endure, but her big news was to open her coat and show off her growing belly – due in May!! (Their parents weren’t told until Christmas Day.) Because none of her family, including her brother, my ex, knows about their struggles and certainly don’t know that I know, I could not ask any details. Nevertheless, I am thrilled for her!
  • I got to spend the weekend alone with B. She is my more challenging child, for sure. Yet, I got to see her from a different angle this weekend. She was much more low key, agreeable and downright pleasant to be around. She and K have an overall pretty good relationship, but I am seeing how much B competes for attention with her behavior when K is around. A bit of a revelation for me. Makes me wonder how different she (or any kid) might be if she were my first/only.
  • Ever since I adopted K, the amount of “stuff” that arrives for every conceivable holiday from my ex’s family has been overwhelming. Even holidays I didn’t know were gift giving occasions (St. Patricks Day, anyone?). So I have been dreading this weekend, especially with my new found determination to declutter. However, there wasn’t quite the volume of stuff as in past years. In fact, it was downright anemic. And what there was, is pure junk. I don’t know whether to be happy that there isn’t much, or to wonder what hidden message there might be in the drop-off.
  • Have I mentioned what a big New England sports fan I am? Anyone know we are in the midst of NFL Playoffs? Divisional weekend? My team in the mix, with an undefeated record? Well, it’s all true! So Saturday night was a date with my TV as I watched the Patriots defeat the Jaguars for a trip to the AFC Championship game next weekend. And my ex texted me throughout the game (he is also a fan). Is this weird? Whether it is or isn’t, is it weirder if he might have a girlfriend? Should I even be spending time thinking about this?
  • I am committed to decluttering. The hard part is getting my kids to cooperate.  I want them to have some ownership in what stays and what goes, not because I think they’ll be upset if I throw away their favorite things, but because I want them to see the bigger picture here.  I want them to understand the cycle we get caught up in when we accumulate more and more stuff.  But I don’t know if I have the patience to let that sink in – there is too much I want gone.
  • Freecycle? EBay? Craigslist? Goodwill? Trash? Those are the questions that I’m wrestling with as part of my declutter process. Opinions welcome!!

Snow day here today – I am so sick of the snow. K is home (and so I am working at home today) but she probably would have been home sick anyway.

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5 responses to “Post Weekend Thoughts

  1. Heck – I am thrilled for your ex SIL — and I don’t know her and I don’t know you. I wouldn’t worry about the texting about the Pats between you and your ex — especially if you share a child — children connect people forever — and if you have a common interest that just helps the bond.

    NOW — if he had a girlfriend and he had a ticket package that included 50 yard line tickets and a luxury hotel suite and asked YOu to go with him — then I’d worry.

  2. Oh, my ex and I don’t really share a child. I’m not sure how much I’ve mentioned it on this blog, but I was in the process of adopting when I met my ex. I adopted K, then we got married. And then he refused to adopt her (which had all been discussed pre-marriage). While definitely not the only reason, that was a major contributor to the downfall of our marriage. Ironically, he is a better father to her now than he ever was when we shared a home. But he is not her father. He has no legal rights and pays no child support – his official status is “friend”.

    I’m just finding it odd that we seem to have found a friendship of sorts. Of sorts. Maybe I ought to do a post on just that one of these days.

  3. I hate to be a killjoy, but B may realize someday that K is getting more attention from her “friend’s” family. My father died when I was 3 and my brother was 2. My mom remarried and had my sister when I was 6. My fathers’ parents had been against the remarriage, and did not acknowledge my sister’s presence. Finally when she was about 8 and starting to notice she was getting left out of things (and not getting presents) Mom put her foot down and said, “She’s my child, too.” So at least they did start sending her birthday and Christmas presents. There are only 4 grandchildren total, so it’s not like adding her to the list would have been any financial burden. In fact, she was born several years before my 2 cousins.

    Anyway, just something else to worry about! But not right now.

  4. Re: decluttering. I throw things out ruthlessly, which I find is key. Whatever is the easiest way to get it out of the house is how it goes. Generally that means anything I would want/buy I bag up and take to Goodwill, anything I wouldn’t, I throw in the trash. I sell some things on Ebay, but you have to be careful it will really sell and is worth something, or its a major headache and waste of time/money…..Ebay has progressed to where people mostly want new items—-its no longer the “big, community garage sale” it used to be. I don’t freecycle because I don’t want to mess with people coming over to my house, etc.. If its good enough to give away I give it to our local version of Goodwill (Disabled American Veterans or the children’s hospital, both of which have thrift stores), and get the receipt for a tax deduction.

    Good luck!

    Marcia

  5. I have used freecycling to get rid of bags of clothes as I shrunk out of them. I found the people on there to be very pleased (a lot of low income families freecycle to get what they need) and I felt good getting rid of my stuff.

    Win Win!

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