You know, when I sat down last night to post about my colposcopy experience, I actually was planning to relate the funny stuff about it. Boy, did that not happen. So here’s my attempt at the light hearted side of it (if you can call it that!):
The office had sent me literature about the procedure beforehand, so I’d know what to expect. It suggested taking some ibuprofen an hour or two prior, since cramping is usually experienced. Being a rule follower by nature, I did as instructed. I must say, I really hate having vaginal exams done. I know I’m hardly in the minority in sharing that, but if I tell you that I finally learned to wear tampons about 4 years ago with only part-time success, does that tell you a little more? Having that speculum in is just awful. And with this procedure it was in for much longer than the usual pap too. And having it in made me feel fragile. As if any move on my part would rip my insides out. And so I was very still and very quiet.
The nurse and doctor apparently couldn’t take the silence anymore, and tried to get me talking. Which I did. I chatted mindlessly about my kids, I think. I don’t really remember too much. Things down there were getting mighty uncomfortable, tugging from the inside is never pleasant. Cramps were really coming on. I said, “Gee, I took some ibuprofen before coming as recommended, but I think I’ll need some more when I get home.” To this the doctor said, “How about wine?” That is my kind of doctor! Hey, I have to have this glass of wine, my doctor said so!
Later she was explaining a bunch of stuff, and said “I know you haven’t had a whole lot of s e x in your life,” and I’m thinking, Huh??? Wherever did she get that idea? Granted, I’m not um, active, right now, but hey, I’ve certainly had a bunch of it! And it made me feel just a teensy bit loserish. OK, I guess that’s not exactly funny. Except it was when I was telling my friend about it! I could be having more! And someday (soon!) I hope to again! Just as soon as I find a someone to do it with. Because you know, not just any guy will do.
Anyhoo, there you go. I’ll have to work on my writing of funny stories. I seem to be more adept at relating the melancholy side of things. Bah!