A Girl with a Broken Heart

My cousin sent me one of those “getting to know you” emails where you answer various questions about yourself that even those who know you might not know (or would be really interested to know). One of the questions was “When was the last time you cried?”

Today Krystal and I were playing a game I had gotten a long time ago. It had questions intended to spark conversation among family members – one of the questions was “When was the last time you cried?” (her answer: last night)

My answer – I can’t remember.

I don’t think that’s such a good thing.

I get teary eyed a lot. Sometimes the love of my children, or missing my father or sister will choke me up a bit. But the last full fledged tears I really remember was when we moved back here and left my best friend. (that was nearly 3 years ago) I was so intent on moving as far away from my new ex-husband that I really didn’t think about how that would affect the rest of my life until we climbed into our car, all packed and ready to go, tears streaming down our faces. I know this seems crazy, that I never thought of it till that moment, but I was living a very constrained existence at that point and getting out of that relationship really consumed me. In the big picture, I think moving was necessary for lots of reasons, but it has also negatively affected other parts of my life. For one, I’m very lonely!!

So why don’t I cry more?

I’m going to go all amateur therapist on myself now. Do I keep too much of myself to myself? Afraid to get vulnerable? Afraid to be hurt? My overriding life emotion seems to be anger – is that how I’m expressing emotional pain these days? Or is life just so rosy for me that I don’t have anything to cry about?

I really am going to post something light or funny sometime this week!

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2 responses to “A Girl with a Broken Heart

  1. My brother-in-law sends that one out to everyone annually, mainly for the sock question I think.
    I can tear up at the drop of a hat. Hallmark commercials, Disney movies (I cried at Ratatouille, for goodness’ sake), dead animals on the side of the road. But it doesn’t seem to be as therapeutic as it might be. I spent years clinically depressed, crying all the time.
    I think maybe we are just wired differently. Just because you don’t cry often, doesn’t mean you feel things any less.
    I understand about lonely. I was actually lonelier in my first marriage than I had ever been by myself. It’s hard to make friends when you have to work all the time, both at your paying job and at your parenting one. I wish I lived closer – I’d bring the kids and we’d come play.

  2. Oh, I’m the same way – commercials, certain songs, various blogger’s posts, etc can all inspire emotion in me. But it seems to be more external than internal, if that makes sense. During our game Krystal actually made the comment that grown-ups don’t cry (which reminds me that I didn’t think men washed their hair until I was about 10 years old, but I guess that’s another post!).

    But can I just say that your offer to come over with the kids and play brought tears to the surface – thank you for that!

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