Keeper of the Universe

No need to thank me, no really. I’m just here to do my part.

You see, I have come to the conclusion that keeping the universe from imploding, or exploding, must be my purpose. Or at least I hope there is some reason I’m not allowed to sleep more than 3-4 hours at a stretch.

Here’s how you too can become a keeper of the universe – don’t worry, there’s plenty of room for more!

  1. Become a parent. This is the number one proven way to get less sleep on a consistent basis.
  2. Become a parent for a second time, preferably just as your first child has reached a level of sleep maturity, so you can start all over. Great fun!
  3. Get a puppy, preferably just as your two children have learned to get themselves up, turn on their favorite TV show and get breakfast on those weekend mornings when you’d prefer just another hour of shut eye.
  4. After you’ve had the puppy for almost 2 weeks, ensure one of your children gets sick in the middle of the night. This way just when the puppy might be ready to go a full night without having to go out, you’ll have to get up once or twice with a crying child who throws up and needs to join you in your bed. It’s really a super way to guarantee you get no more than 3 hours of continuous sleep.

So there you have it – four easy steps and you’re on your way to joining me in keeping the universe together through sleep deprivation.


One response to “Keeper of the Universe

  1. I feel your pain. DeBoy actually slept 8 hours straight the other night. Of course, that particular night his sister wet the bed around 2, so I had to get up with her and change her clothes and her sheets. Then the cat barfed around 5 so I had to get up and clean that up before the Mountain Man “found” it when he got up to take a shower. So it did me no good. Fortunately I didn’t get complacent about it, because he’s back to his usual routine of waking up at 2 and 5.

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