I’m not a crier, but I cried tonight. It has been a long day – we had an ice storm overnight which caused massive power outages in our area, though thankfully we were spared. However it meant I had both kids with me all day since both their schools were closed, while I also tried to work, and I didn’t want them there and I resented the hell out of them being around. I put them to bed early to give myself a break, poured a glass of wine and put in “P.S. I Love You”. And cried and cried through the last five minutes. Cried for the love I’ve never felt and can’t imagine is ever in my future, for not feeling happy about the life I do have, for everything that is missing and not knowing how to get it or treat myself or my children right.

P.S. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is perhaps the most beautiful man alive.

4 responses to “P.S.

  1. Wow, you only cried through the last five minutes?!
    I can’t make it 5 minutes through that movie without crying! I literally go through an entire box of Kleenex just watching that movie…it’s just so sad!
    Everyone needs a break, and it doesn’t matter how you get it, so know that you’re doing the best you can under the circumstances, and life will eventually get to where you want it to go. Sometimes it’s just a little difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

  2. I sooooo feel your pain. It is hard when you feel trapped in a life that is not what you expected. I too am a Mom, and what you wrote, could have come from me!!! I LOVE PSILY, it is one of the best movies in a long time. I LOVE JDM too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in, maybe today will be better. Get your happiness where you can, it will help.

  3. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting your kids around 24-7. I’ve never been a subscriber to the philosophy that good mothers are martyrs. Go easy on yourself. We all can only do the best we know how to do. And the one thing that motherhood has taught me is that with each passing year, it gets easier.

    I haven’t seen P.S. I Love You yet, but I think I’ll be putting it in my Netflix queue. Even though it made you cry and probably will make me cry, too.

  4. I haven’t seen that movie yet, but I tend to cry at everything (Lilo and Stitch, anyone?), so it would probably devastate me. I hope you’re feeling better by now (here I am a month later – I’m so sorry I neglected all my bloggy buddies in December), but every now and then a glass of wine and a good cry is the best medicine.

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