Tim McGraw sings a song called “Angry All the Time”. It’s about a marriage that has reached its breaking point, and the song’s tune has always made me feel sad and wistful. The title, if not the lyrics, seems to apply to me lately, in particular this past weekend.
“Mom, can I have an apple?” is enough to send me over the edge. This is not good.
Belle is a very active child who still does not know boundaries. She will grab at anything within her sight, within her reach. She is five years old. I don’t think she should need to be so highly supervised every bloody second of the day. I have had to put the dog out of limits to her on many occasions as she simply will not stop getting in her face, waving scarves (or anything else, really) around, which causes Tessie to chase her (of course) and then screeches when the inevitable happens. She exhibits highly inappropriate behavior, some of which can send me into a rage in seconds. She takes glee in seeing someone else hurt or in trouble, and likes to do and say inappropriate things to her sister, the neighborhood kids, or friends who come to visit. Some examples are: deliberately spitting on someone else’s food, saying a word like “stupid” over and over and over and over, mooning, all followed by that infuriating gleeful laugh and I sometimes just want to throw her through the window.
Krystal has turned into an 8 year old teenager overnight, and the massive attitude is driving me mad. Nothing is ever her fault, and she has to be reminded to do simple things multiple times before she takes action. She also seems to have some sort of odd “opening disability”. She cannot open a tube of toothpaste, a package of crackers, a bottle of water, without assistance. Worse, she doesn’t even try. This is closely related to her “can’t find anything” syndrome. Just last night we were doing baths and she needed to comb her hair. She said, “Can I go get your comb? I can’t find ours.” And her comb was right there, under the headband that she couldn’t be bothered to move.
I am stressed. I need a break.
I don’t want to feel so angry all the time.