Angry All the Time

Tim McGraw sings a song called “Angry All the Time”. It’s about a marriage that has reached its breaking point, and the song’s tune has always made me feel sad and wistful. The title, if not the lyrics, seems to apply to me lately, in particular this past weekend.

“Mom, can I have an apple?” is enough to send me over the edge. This is not good.

Belle is a very active child who still does not know boundaries. She will grab at anything within her sight, within her reach. She is five years old. I don’t think she should need to be so highly supervised every bloody second of the day. I have had to put the dog out of limits to her on many occasions as she simply will not stop getting in her face, waving scarves (or anything else, really) around, which causes Tessie to chase her (of course) and then screeches when the inevitable happens. She exhibits highly inappropriate behavior, some of which can send me into a rage in seconds. She takes glee in seeing someone else hurt or in trouble, and likes to do and say inappropriate things to her sister, the neighborhood kids, or friends who come to visit. Some examples are: deliberately spitting on someone else’s food, saying a word like “stupid” over and over and over and over, mooning, all followed by that infuriating gleeful laugh and I sometimes just want to throw her through the window.

Krystal has turned into an 8 year old teenager overnight, and the massive attitude is driving me mad. Nothing is ever her fault, and she has to be reminded to do simple things multiple times before she takes action. She also seems to have some sort of odd “opening disability”. She cannot open a tube of toothpaste, a package of crackers, a bottle of water, without assistance. Worse, she doesn’t even try. This is closely related to her “can’t find anything” syndrome. Just last night we were doing baths and she needed to comb her hair. She said, “Can I go get your comb? I can’t find ours.” And her comb was right there, under the headband that she couldn’t be bothered to move.

I am stressed. I need a break.

I don’t want to feel so angry all the time.

4 responses to “Angry All the Time

  1. I don’t have many words of wisdom. We have that “can’t find anything” at our house too. Unfortunately, it’s inherited from the Mountain Man. NONE of them can find anything that’s right in front of them. “If it were a snake . . .”
    That chronic meanness isn’t something I’ve experienced. Yet. We do have some deliberate meanness, but it’s not regular and is usually a result of getting thwarted at something the Queen wants to do.
    I’d be willing to bet she’s having some issues at school and is acting out over that. Not helpful I know. Is there some kind of Mommy co-op you can join? Three or 4 families get together and all the kids spend an evening at one house while the other 3 get to go out. Of course, that means that once a month or so you get 6-10 kids at your house . . .

    It may not be worth it.

  2. Drugs can be helpful in that regard. I’m not being facetious. Many doctors will supply a little something to take the edge off. You might check into it.

  3. Awww. I find the worst thing in all of those kind of instances is that my kids can tell when I’m starting to feel stressed and act up even more because of it. Never fails to set me off.

  4. I was there myself and it was a very dark period of my life. Therapy can help, support groups can be invaluable…talking to people who have gone through the same thing (which is probably most of us). Huge hugs!!!

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